I recently got saved and baptized, and I’ve been trying to find the words to explain what’s changed for me. Because I’m still me. I still struggle, and I still have habits I’m trying to leave behind. But my desire to be close to God is different now.
Before, thinking about church would put this weight on my chest. I knew we needed to be there. I wanted my family there. But every time the opportunity came, it was like my feet turned to concrete. I could think of every reason to stay home, even while knowing I needed to go.
That feeling is gone. Now I get excited about going. I look forward to being there, hearing God’s Word, and being around people who are trying to grow in their faith too. And when I have to miss, I miss it.
I’ve had to miss a couple of services recently, and I’ve noticed how easily old habits start creeping back in. I haven’t talked to God as much. I haven’t opened my Bible like I should. Things I’ve been trying to quit have started finding their way back into my day.
That’s hard to admit, especially after something as meaningful as getting saved and baptized. But I want to be honest about it. I’m thankful for what God is doing in my life, and I’m also learning that I need to make time for Him when the rest of my week gets busy.
Through all of that, the feeling I have about church hasn’t gone away. I still want to be there. I want to listen, learn, and leave with something I can carry into the week.
I think church should be a place where we can come to be renewed. Where we can walk in tired, distracted, or disappointed in ourselves and be reminded of the truth. Where we can be honest about needing prayer instead of feeling like we have to look like we’ve got everything together.
I know I can pray and open my Bible at home, and I need to. But being in church matters to me. These last couple of missed services have made me appreciate that even more.
I’m still working on being consistent. But I’m grateful that where I used to feel that heaviness about going, I now feel eager to get back. That change means a lot to me.
Love always,
Fowler Homestead
“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” — Psalm 51:10, KJV
